You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
