O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
