I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
