okay pat passed out under dana's car
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
