We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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