you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
