Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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