Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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