Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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