i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
