I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
