Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
