Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
