so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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