Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
