This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
