guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
