Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
