So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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