I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
soo... how was my night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
