The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
