need another drink. this is the easiest way
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
