You can't motorboat a personality
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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