I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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