I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
