he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
