I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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