woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
