The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
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