I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
