yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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