New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
