Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
