Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
