I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
