Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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