If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
