your parents love me but you hate me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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