Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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