i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
