i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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