you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
