dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
