dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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