There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
