Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
