Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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