Redeem this text for a blowjob
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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