i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
