someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize