It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
