First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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