i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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