Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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