Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
