Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
