We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize