anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
