Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I touched a dick in church today
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
