WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
