Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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