I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
