my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
