i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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