so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
