My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
