There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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