Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
