we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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