I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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