pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize