Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
