can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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