we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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