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I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
