why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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