You smell like stripper and shame
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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