walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
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Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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