Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
