Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
