He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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