Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
