I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
