I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
