just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
