Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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